Thursday, January 12, 2012

Wins and Losses

So I started my workout program this week.  It's going great so far, I've only "skipped" one day, but will be making up for it by not having a rest day on Saturday.

Geoff and I are both doing Power 90, the precursor to the popular P90X workout series.  When doing the workouts, it's easy to get into a "wow, this isn't bad" mindset, but holy cow does it hurt the next day.  The instructor, Tony, is slightly pervy and says random things like "boom, bam, yeah" while doing the repetitions, and he relies on tried and true moves repeated several times.  You, in the first round, are encouraged to do as many repetitions as you want, and told to shoot for the 8-15 mark.  It's thrilling when you are able to do more reps than you could the day before, and the routine really encourages you to continue on and not give up.  This is the first workout routine that I have been able to make it through the whole tape and I feel better about what my body can do even after just the first week.

Since November, I am down 12 lbs.  Not too shabby, and I know I can continue it and do better if I watch my diet and continue the exercise.  That being said, I haven't been the best about the diet part.  I'm watching what I'm eating and definitely eating less than before, but I do find myself falling back into old habits, like choosing the fatty bacon cheeseburger and fries at school instead of bringing my lunch.  Tomorrow is my last day of purchasing lunch at school, on Monday I will be packing my own lunch daily, which will likely include some sort of wrap, some chips, and some raisins or other fruit.  I am really dedicated to dropping this weight, and now I need to get my stomach as into it as my brain.

I also need to drink more water.  I was drinking 3-4 24 oz cups of water per day, and saw myself dropping the water weight easily and the lbs going down on the scale.  For the last few days, I have been drinking a lot of soda again and saw the lbs creep back on, which I know is water weight.  I'm currently drinking what I hope will be my last soda as an every day thing for quite some time.  The plan is to, as I saw one of my friends on Facebook post, pay myself for each soda I would drink and use that money to buy new clothes when I need them.  Geoff made a joke last night when I told him the idea about how big of a jar we'd need.  I drink that much soda.  If I had to estimate, I'd say I drink at least 2 liters per day, which is incredibly unhealthy and I can only imagine how much worse it would be for me if I hadn't switched to diet many years ago.

So, that's my status update and the plan from here on out.  Geoff leaves for Japan for a month on Monday and I will be staying at my mom's for a lot of the time he's gone.  This should help with the weight loss because we'll be eating at home more and my brother will motivate me to get off my butt and work out.  I work out with Geoff every night and am afraid that if left to my own devices, I'd find a reason not to do it.

Hopefully I'll be posting more in the near future, and I'll try to update more often on how my weight loss itself is going! :)

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Before pictures and a new workout :)

So Geoff and I decided tonight that we were going to work together to lose weight and get in shape.  He has a very large gut that just won't go away so I'm hoping that with the new workout we're going to start (P90X) he'll be able to lose that and get some abs and I'll be able to lose weight more quickly and get back into the shape I was in in HS if not back down to that size by the end of  2012.  My goal is still to be at 212ish by mid-August, a very attainable goal, only 55 lbs to go! :)

Here's the before pictures, I'll be uploading new ones every 10 lbs or month whichever comes first.

I'm disgusted but working on it so I'll be okay.  Hopefully I can get rid of a bunch of it quickly with P90X and get back into shape well enough to run again.  I miss being athletic and I want to get back there so badly.  I want to be able to be that girl who looks obviously pregnant instead of the one where nobody comments just in case she's just fat and I will do it!

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Starting the Weight Loss Journey again...

I've always had problems with my weight, for as long as I can remember.  I wasn't a fat child by any means,  but between the ages of 11 and 14 I went through a really awkward overweight phase that started it all.  I was short and pudgy and got made fun of a LOT by cruel kids with nothing better to do with their time than to make others feel bad.

When I was 14, I started playing soccer on the Junior Varsity team.  I played every year through high school and stayed within 10 lbs of my ideal weight the whole time.  Even though I was at a healthy weight, I was still convinced I was fat because of the teasing and because, for some reason, I thought only girls in a size 0 who weighed under 120 lbs were thin, and anything heavier was fat.  I was 5'6" and 155 lbs my Junior year and could wear a size 3/4 in some pants, though most of them were a 5/6.   I didn't wear an extra small, but wore a small or medium depending on the cut of the shirt.  My soccer coach didn't help with my weight scares because he would always insist that I needed extra large soccer shorts and an extra large jersey, and my soccer socks never worked quite right with the size of my legs.  I have always been bottom heavy, and never realized just how thin I was at that point until I was an adult and the damage had been done, I was overweight and had developed a severe emotional binge eating disorder.  I figured at one point that if the people at school thought I was fat that I was and might as well eat whatever I wanted.

[caption id="attachment_6" align="aligncenter" width="241" caption="Summer of 2001, I had just turned 17"][/caption]

I worked in a fast food restaurant and was able to eat relatively cheaply there, and when I was on my way home from work, I'd stop in at the gas station and pick up a candy bar or two..or three.  Because I was so athletic (I played soccer, indoor soccer, tennis, and then summer soccer), I never gained weight more than a couple of pounds.  I could run a mile no problem and enjoyed being active, but something changed and I got so depressed that I stopped caring and stopped working out.

I got to college my freshman year and was terrified of all of the other people there.  I don't do well in large groups and suddenly here I was surrounded by people I didn't know.  I hung out with my roommate and got into going out partying, not going to class, and eating whatever I wanted in the cafeteria.  At the end of the Fall Semester, I weighed 235 lbs and had a GPA of under a 1.  The bipolar disorder set in during this period too and I just never left my room for a certain amount of time.  I went back for my Spring semester and was able to successfully lose about 15 lbs due to making a new friend who wouldn't take no for an answer about working out, and I was only eating one meal a day so the pounds melted off.

Then, we had to choose our roommates for our Sophomore year.  The way the dorms worked at Daemen was that freshmen were in a traditional dorm while Sophomores, Juniors, and Seniors were in a more apartment like atmosphere, with 4 people sharing one apartment with 4 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms.  Nobody wanted me to be their roommate.  Not a single one of my friends.  They had all paired off with each other and I was left to the lottery of people who either had a group of 2 or 3 or those who were singles and had nobody.  It was humiliating and only aided in my fear of not being liked by anyone.  My new roommates sophomore year were nice for the most part, but ignored me because I was a sophomore and they were seniors.  We had nothing in common, none of them were even medical majors, most of them were education so I literally had nothing to talk to them about.  They ended up ditching me and just ignoring me for the whole year and I sunk further into depression and therefore into food.

After a year from hell with the illness and subsequent death of my grandfather, I sunk back into my old habits and moved home with my parents.  I started at the community college that Fall and lost some weight due to the structure and cooking of my mother.  At the end of my fall semester, I met the man who is now my husband, Geoff, and for once in my life was happy to be me.  After meeting Geoff, I lost a few pounds but nothing spectacular.  I was at about 230 at this point but I was happy.  Geoff proposed in June of 2006 and I was ecstatic and immediately decided I needed to lose weight for the wedding.  I got myself to a point where I weighed 180 again and that is the smallest I have been in my adult life.  When the stress of wedding planning set in, I gained weight back, about 30lbs, and on my wedding day I weighed about 212 lbs.  I looked ok, and felt good, but I wish I had been able to maintain the weight loss at that point.
At my rehearsal dinner.

After we got married, Geoff and I moved to Kentucky so he could start his new job.  I immediately put on weight and by the fall of 2008, I weighed over 260 lbs.  At that point, I knew something had to change and due to my depression and a boss who treated her employees like shit, quit my job.  After quitting, I dropped 30 lbs in a few months just because I had dropped the stress of the job.  That January, I weighed about 235 lbs and was relatively happy, but then shit hit the fan again and Geoff and I started having trouble in our marriage.  I got back up over 240 lbs and again was miserable.

[caption id="attachment_8" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="Summer 2009, at around 235 lbs"][/caption]

I was able to maintain that 240 lb weight until the fall of 2010, when my father was diagnosed with cancer.  At that point, I got severely depressed and gained more weight.  A full year after his diagnosis and subsequent death, I weighed in at 277 lbs at my heaviest weight ever for my cousin's wedding.  When I looked at the pictures, I knew something had to change, but because Geoff and I were trying to have a baby, I was afraid to lose the weight because it might impact a fetus.  Looking back at it, I feel stupid because many people lose weight before they know they are pregnant and the babies turn out fine.

Now, after our first IVF cycle failed, I am 100% committed to dropping this weight.  I officially start my diet on Monday, but I am watching what I eat until then.  I just don't want to limit myself on New Year's Eve, when my dad's BFF and his family will be here to celebrate with us.  My goal is to lose 50 lbs by the end of July and I know that if I set my mind to it, I can do it with no problem.  This is the first time I have been 100% committed to this and I have already lost 8 lbs toward my goal (the original goal was 60 by July).  I'm excited to get started on this journey and will be updating periodically on my progress.

[caption id="attachment_9" align="aligncenter" width="264" caption="Karen's wedding, around 277 lbs"][/caption]